Unwilling to cede decades of hard-won advances, local man Roger Cannon’s persistent anxiety vowed Monday that it would not let clinical depression muscle in on any of its turf. “Look, I’ve had a vise-grip on this guy for 30 years, so I’m not about to roll over now and let some despondent feelings and an overriding aversion to activity waltz in and take over his emotional state,” said the mental disorder, adding that it would “crank up” Cannon’s irrational worrying, restlessness, and agitation to drive depression out of its territory once and for all. “Roger’s mental condition is my domain. And if all-encompassing thoughts of hopelessness and inadequacy think they can parade around like they own the place, trust me, they’ve got another thing coming.” The neurosis then promised that it wouldn’t make the same mistake it did in 2011, when it briefly let its guard down and disastrously allowed happiness to take hold.
The Onion, “Man’s Anxiety Not About To Let Depression Muscle In On Turf”
When I was learning how to critique other writers’ stories, one of my biggest lessons was this: Critique the story they wrote, not the story you wish they’d written.

Jodi Meadows (via tristinawright)

This is excellent advice.

(via anonsally)

stpauligirl:

One of my favorite scenes.

This gives me chills every time.

As the president approached, Webb threw his hand down and slapped the counter dramatically. “Equal rights for gay people!”

"Are you gay?" the president asked.

"Only when I have sex."

"That’s when he laughed and said, ‘Bump me,’" Webb says.

"Fist Bumps for Equal Rights"
notkatniss:

………has this been done before

notkatniss:

………has this been done before

(via kensingtonchronicle)

bourbonandabrunette:


Growing up, I was always a fairly quiet child, hanging around the edges, especially with people I did not know. School terrified me, especially when we had to get up in front of the class. Although I had close friends and enjoyed their company, as well as that of my brother, I made sure I was never the center of attention in a group situation. I always tended to do what others wanted to do, letting everyone else make decisions for me.
Merely talking to other people still makes me anxious. I often experience anxiety when making phone calls. I avoid social gatherings (particularly parties), which I find excruciating. Crowded settings, especially without a perceptible escape route, cause me uneasiness, sometimes panic.
So, “stepping out of your comfort zone” is the most ridiculous amount of advice I have received lately.


Those feels, I have them.

bourbonandabrunette:

Growing up, I was always a fairly quiet child, hanging around the edges, especially with people I did not know. School terrified me, especially when we had to get up in front of the class. Although I had close friends and enjoyed their company, as well as that of my brother, I made sure I was never the center of attention in a group situation. I always tended to do what others wanted to do, letting everyone else make decisions for me.

Merely talking to other people still makes me anxious. I often experience anxiety when making phone calls. I avoid social gatherings (particularly parties), which I find excruciating. Crowded settings, especially without a perceptible escape route, cause me uneasiness, sometimes panic.

So, “stepping out of your comfort zone” is the most ridiculous amount of advice I have received lately.

Those feels, I have them.

WHEN I TELL MY FAMILY THAT I’M FINALLY A PHD CANDIDATE

whatshouldwecallgradschool:

credit: neshtofino

My Delicate Sensibilities Cannot Tolerate The Skinny Jean

thatbadadvice:

Dear Abby, 11 July 2014:

DEAR ABBY: After some extensive traveling, I have to ask — who on earth told people they look good in skinny jeans? — O.M.G! IN OKLAHOMA

Dear OMG,

The same asshole who forces you to look at the people wearing them.

OMG can rip my skinny jeans away from my fat thighs.

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